Revisions

First Revision
Original copy:

 “If you fall in love with a sport, you’re willing to work for anything” Is the one quote by my favorite gymnast, as well as my role model, that never fails to inspire me. When I chose to start training at Exelta Gymnastics, I knew it would be a huge change, and way more focused, but I didn't know that my whole life would be so deeply affected by it. When I trained in Lacombe, I was dedicated, and looked forward to gymnastics every day. It was fun and carefree, but most importantly, it was my escape. The one place that I could just zone out on everything else, and focus on what I was working on. No matter what was going on in my life, I always had gymnastics to lean back on. As I got older, the little recreational gym that I used to love wasn't able to allow me to grow anymore, and I knew I needed to move. I prepared myself for stricter coaches, way more hours, better equipment, and many sore days. I got what I prepared myself for, but that wasn't even the start of it. The girls I trained with were extremely friendly, and it immediately felt like I fit in. Right from the beginning, we felt like family. I have never had more of a special, close bond with that many girls. They were there for you through everything, from the laughs and the memories, to cheering you on while learning and conquering new skills, to comforting you through the frustrating moments. They could read you inside and out, like a book. It’s obvious that we will always have each other as close friends, even outside of gym for countless years. The coaches new exactly what they were talking about, and they continue to push me, mentally and physically to my max. My dreams and goals seemed so closer to reach, as Exelta has produced many national athletes that continue to carry the tradition of excellence. Having the other girls to look up to, knowing they were training exactly how I was, lit a fire inside of me. I came to a realization that if I truly wanted this, it wouldn’t just take a thousand hours in the gym; I would have to put my own time into it. I started to make healthier choices, and squeezed in extra stretching and conditioning whenever I could, doing homework in the splits became normal. Instead of contributing to the conversations about all the fun that happened over the weekends, I became a listener to stories being told. Many of my friends are surprised and sometimes question the amount dedication and time I put into training, but whenever other athletics share the same information with me, I have nothing but respect for them. I had to sacrifice some of my social life, and job opportunities, and my life slowly started to revolve around my gymnastics. I had gained an overwhelming sense of determination and desire that I fell in love with the sport all over again. Through all the passion, that drove me to strive for excellence, I learned lessons that help me in everyday life. I was subconsciously taught respect, how to appreciate others, and it will come back to help me.  I was taught responsibility; how I was in charge of the outcomes I wanted. I was also taught discipline, I learned I needed to buckle down and overcome the obstacles in my way to attain my goal. All of the sacrifices I made, and the dedication that I put into gymnastics, was returned. I learned lessons that shaped me into the person I am today.

Revised copy:

 “If you fall in love with a sport, you’re willing to work for anything” Is the one quotation by my favorite gymnast, as well as my role model, that never fails to inspire me. When I chose to start training at Exelta Gymnastics, I knew it would be a huge change, and way more focused, but I didn't know that my whole life would be so deeply affected by it. When I trained in Lacombe, I was dedicated, and looked forward to gymnastics every day. It was fun and carefree, but most importantly, it was my escape. The one place that I could just zone out on everything else, and focus on what I was working on. No matter what was going on in my life, I always had gymnastics to lean back on. As I got older, the little recreational gym that I used to love wasn't able to allow me to grow anymore, and I knew I needed to move. I prepared myself for stricter coaches, way more hours, better equipment, and many sore days. I got what I prepared myself for, but that wasn't even the start of it. The girls I trained with were extremely friendly, and it immediately felt like I fit in. Right from the beginning, we felt like family. I have never had more of a special, close bond with that many girls. They were there for each other through everything, from the laughs and the memories, to cheering each other on while learning and conquering new skills, and to comforting each other through the frustrating moments. They could read their teammates inside and out, like a book. It’s obvious that we will always have each other as close friends, even outside of gym for countless years. The coaches knew exactly what they were talking about, and they continue to push me, mentally and physically to my max. My dreams and goals seemed so closer to reach, as Exelta has produced many national athletes that continue to carry the tradition of excellence. Having the other girls to look up to, knowing they were training exactly how I was, lit a fire inside of me. I came to a realization that if I truly wanted this, it wouldn’t just take a thousand hours in the gym; I would have to put my own time into it. I started to make healthier choices, and squeezed in extra stretching and conditioning whenever I could, doing homework in the splits became normal. Instead of contributing to the conversations about all the fun that happened over the weekends, I became a listener to stories being told. Many of my friends are surprised and sometimes question the amount dedication and time I put into training, but whenever other athletics share the same information with me, I have nothing but respect for them. I had to sacrifice some of my social life, and job opportunities, and my life slowly started to revolve around my gymnastics. I had gained an overwhelming sense of determination and desire that I fell in love with the sport all over again. Through all the passion, that drove me to strive for excellence, I learned lessons that help me in everyday life. I was subconsciously taught respect, how to appreciate others, and it will come back to help me.  I was taught responsibility; how I was in charge of the outcomes I wanted. I was also taught discipline, I learned I needed to buckle down and overcome the obstacles in my way to attain my goal. All of the sacrifices I made, and the dedication that I put into gymnastics, was returned. I learned lessons that shaped me into the person I am today.

Second Revision 

Orginal Copy:

While studying the Lord of the Rings, it was obvious to me that Samwise Gamgee is almost a duplicate of myself.

Sam, much like myself, is an extremely courageous and brave character. Sam is constantly convincing Frodo to continue on the journey even when circumstances are looking risky. Dangerous situations never scare him, because he has the goal of destroying the ring set in mind, and his extreme devotion will not let him stop until he completes that task. I am alike Sam in that way with my dedication to gymnastics. I recognize the reason I’m there, and I don’t waste any time. I understand that I need to be led by my passions, rather than follow my fears. I block out the reasons why I should be scared, and keep my mind set on the skills I wish to accomplish, knowing that achieving those skills will get me closer to the elite athlete I strive to become.

                In my mind, the most important character traits an individual can have include loyalty and reliability. Sam is lucky enough to have both of those.  From the very beginning, when Frodo announced that he was leaving to Mordor, Sam replied “I know. And I’m coming with you.” Still as they embark on this Journey, Sam has never left his side, keeping to the promise he made. “I made a promise Mr.Frodo. A promise. “Don’t you leave him Samwise Gamgee.” And I don’t mean to.” He stays loyal to Frodo, even on Frodo’s worse days, which gives Frodo yet another reason, to easily rely on Sam, and trust that he will always have his back. I appreciate when others show these traits, so I have learned to develop them as well. When my friends need help with something I make sure to put them as a high priority and assist them because I would want them to do the exact same thing for me. I keep my word and promises, and I would never tell their secrets. When I say I’m going to do something, or stay with someone, I follow through. Sam acquiring both of these wonderful traits as well is excellent proof as to why he makes a perfect assistant and friend to Frodo.

                Another appealing aspect about Sam’s character is how his positive attitude and outlook on life never fails to help Frodo when he needs it the most. Sam constantly shares his optimistic attitude even when it seems they are at a hopeless point on their journey. He continues to encourage Frodo with his inspiring lines such as: “Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer.” Not only does Sam share his positive to give Frodo the little boost he needs when times are tough, but he also shares his wisdom. Sam reassures Frodo time and time again, that Gollum’s pathetic please of loyalty are not real, and they are just another one of his filthy, sneaky schemes.  Although Frodo is the one who first decided to take on the challenge of the journey, he would be nothing without his assistant and best friend, Sam. While Frodo takes the responsibility of the ring, Sam takes the responsibility of Frodo. “I can’t carry it for you, but I can carry you.” I am frequently told that I come across cheerful and positive, and that I give great advice. My friends come to me when they need guidance and it naturally comes easy for me to find a solution for their problems.

One of the biggest reasons I chose to compare myself to Sam, was his growth throughout the movie reminded me of my personal growth I have gone through as well. Sam starts off as an attendant for Frodo’s journey, but becomes a decisive character with his own opinion that he learns to share more often. I use to be quite shy, but have learned to speak up for what I believe in, sometimes surprising others when a clever remark comes out of a quiet mouth. The more deeply I look into Sam’s character, the more I find myself.

Third Revision:

     While studying the Lord of the Rings, by Peter Jackson, it became clear to me that Samwise Gamee is almost a duplicate of myself. I felt like I was watching my own personal growth, as I noticed the growth Sam undergoes throughout the movie. Throughout the movie, Sam displays his courageousness, loyalty, and optimistic attitude, and it became thrilling to discover how easily it was to compare myself to Sam, as we share the same personality traits.

         Sam, much like myself, is an extremely courageous and brave character. Sam is constantly convincing Frodo to continue on the journey, even when circumstances look risky. His immense amount of bravery allows him to have no fear when facing dangerous situations. He is extremely determined to destroy; and his subconscious will not allow him to stop until that task is complete. I am similar to Sam in that way with my dedication to gymnastics. I recognize the reason why I'm there, therefore I don't waste any time. As well as I understand that I need to be led by my passions, rather than my fears. With practice, I block out the reasons why I should be scared, and keep my mind set on the skills I wish to accomplish. Understanding(varying the way I start my sentences) that achieving these skills will get me closer to the elite athlete for which I strive to become.

        In my mind, the most important character traits an indivdual can have include loyalty and reliability. San is lucky enough to have both of these. Same has been loyal all the way from the beginning, when Frodo announced that he was leaving to Mordor, Sam replied with "I know. And I'm coming with you." Once the journey had begun, Sam never left Frodo's side, keeping the promise he made, the promise he repeated to Frodo saying: "I made a promise Mr. Frodo. A promise.  'Don't you leave him, Samwise Camgee.' And I don't meant to." Sam stays loyal to Frodo, even on Frodo's worst days. This gives Frodo yet another reason to easily rely on Sam, and trust that he will always have his back. I appreciate when others show these traits, so I have learned to develop them as well. When my friends need help with something I make sure to put them as a a high priority, and I assist them because I expect the same in return. I keep my word and my promises, and I would never tell their secrets. When I say I'm going to do something, or stay with someone, I follow through. Sam possessing both of these wonderful traits is great proof as to why he makes an excellent sidekick and friend to Frodo.

      Another appealing aspect about Sam's character is how his positive attitude and outlook on life never fails to help Frodo when he needs it the most. Sam constantly shares his optimistic attitude even when it seems they are at a hopeless point in their journey. He continues to encourage Frodo with his inspiring lines such as: "Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer." Not only does Sam share his postive outlook on life with Frodo to give the little boost Frodo needs when times are tough, but he also shares his wisdom. Sam reassures Frodo time, and time again, that Gollum's pathetic please of loyalty is not real, but they are one if his filthy, sneaky schemes. Although Frodo is the one who first decided to take on the challenge of the journey  he would be nothing without his sidekick and his best friend, Sam. While Frodo takes the responsibility of the ring, Sam takes the responsibility of Frodo. "I can't carry it for you, but I can carry you." I am frequently told that I come across as a cheerful and positive person, and that I give great advice. My friends come to me when they need guidance, and it naturally comes easy to me to fin a solution for their problems. 

     One of the main reasons I chose to compare myself to Sam was that his growth throughout the movie reminded me of my personal growth I have gone through as well. Sam starts off as an attendant for Frodo's journey, but becomes a decisive characterful with his own opinion  that he learns to share more often. I used to be quite shy, but have learned to speak up for what I believe in. I often surprise others when a clever remark comes out of such a quiet mouth like my own. While noticing Sam reveal his courageousness, loyalty and optimistic attitude, and the more deeply I look into Sam's character, the more I find myself.

After revising my character comparison between Samwise and myself, I notice the dramatic difference between the original and second copy. My proof reading skills were really high for this assignment, and I changed a lot of text to edit for matters of correctness. (outcome 4.2.4) The highlighted areas were the correcting I did after given advice from the teacher.

 Third revision

 Orginal copy:

A New Set of Eyes

By looking at the Life of Pi by Yann Martel one can see how a new perspective affects an individual’s interpretation of the world which is important because Pi had to interpret the world as a boundless, open ocean, dripping with endless possibility’s to encourage him to preserve in a situation where others would have given up. Like every other young man, Pi was easily influenced by religious beliefs, morals and his peers while trying to discover who he was. Yann Martel demonstrates the many new perspectives Pi considers throughout his desire for spiritual clarity.

To Pi, it was tremendously important to believe in something. As he intensely studied aspects on Hinduism, Christianity, and Islam religions, he came to a conclusion that they all revolved around a similar belief, a loving higher power. To him, agnostics who lacked faith or beliefs in religions were like listeners who couldn’t appreciate the non-literal truth of a fictional story. Pi’s faith and spiritual connections strengthened while he was lost at sea. Pi’s belief in God gave him guidance, and a meaning to life. He was extremely grateful for the direction God had continuously given him, and remained to look up to him when in need of guidance. “My great wish-other than salvation- was to have a book. A long book with a never-ending story. One I could read again and again, with new eyes and a fresh understanding each time.” (pg.262) He recognized that the only reason he was still alive, was because God was truly with him, and that personal experience was all it took to encourage Pi to continue to fight for survival.

After surviving the unthinkable, the traumatic experiences Pi went through resulted in a loss of innocence. As a child, Pi was an eager, outgoing, and excitable young boy, who depended on his family for protection and guidance. As Pi would put it, the jealously in death ripped his family away from him. “Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it, a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can.” (pg.6) Pi was torn from his family in a devastating accident and was forced to become self-sufficient in a hurry. Pi grew up with a profound sense of exploration, loved studying Cosmogony, and wanted to understand every bit of the world that God had to offer him. After witnessing death occurring right in front of him too many times, Pi realized the world wasn’t as wonderful as he once thought it was. He discovered the dark, cruel perspectives that other individuals who weren’t as lucky had known all too well. Since Pi understood that the possibility of him vanishing at sea was immensely greater than making it home, he took risks he couldn’t even imagine himself taking. “The lower you are, the higher your mind will want to soar.” (pg.358) Pi abandoned his lifelong vegetarianism and resorted to eating innocent fish and turtles to maintain himself. The reality check of the probability of surviving gave him an internal drive to overcome the odds. He came to the conclusion that although times were dark then, they would pass and things would get better. “But life leaps over oblivion lightly, losing only a thing or two of no importance and gloom is but the passing shadow of a cloud.” (pg.7) Not only did he need to encourage and take care of himself, but he was given the gift of a passenger to accompany him along his life changing journey, who desired the same needs.

After several days of survival of the fittest, Pi was left with a 450-pound Bengal tiger. After closely observing the tiger for many weeks, Pi acknowledged a case of zoomorphism in himself. He discovered that he obtained animal characteristics or qualities that were almost identical to Richard Parker. This allowed Pi to see a side of him that he never had before; a side that frightened him, just as much as real ferocious tiger would frighten him. Although at the same time, he gained respect for that ferocious tiger. He understood that he marked his territory to feel security, that he would eat anything if it meant another day of survival, and that he looked for social structure to boost his self esteem. All those traits followed the Maslow’s hierarchy, a motivation theory which suggests five interdependent levels of basic human needs. Those traits seemed reasonable after considering he would do the exact same. After learning new ways of survival from Richard Parker, Pi realized their existences had become interdependent.  “If I didn’t have you now, I don’t know what I would do” (p.236). At the beginning of the shipwreck, the last thing Pi wanted on his lifeboat was a 450-pound Bengal tiger, but by the end of Pi’s experience, he couldn’t have been more grateful. Richard Parker gave Pi an enlightening perspective on the relationship between man and nature, which had been a meaningful topic to Pi throughout his entire life. He could finally comprehend and appreciate why some animals did the extraordinary things they did.

While Pi struggled through what seemed to be undefeatable odds, he was gifted with astonishingly outcomes. Motivated by his peers, experiences, and beliefs, Pi considered new perspectives from every angle, that affected his interpretation of the world as an individual, and ultimately was the reason why he survived. Yann Martel displayed that life is a story, which can be interpreted in any way the individual wants to view it. After all, “The world isn’t just the way it is. It is how we understand it, no?” (pg.380) 

Revised Copy:

A New Set of Eyes

By looking at the novel Life of Pi by Yann Martel, one can see how a new perspective affects an individual’s interpretation of the world. Pi had to interpret the world as a boundless, open ocean, dripping with endless possibilities in order to preserve his own existence in a situation where others would have normally given up. Without the existence of hope, Pi would not have stood a chance in the harsh climate of the Pacific Ocean. Like most young men; religion, morals, and peers had a strong influence on Pi during the process of discovering his identity. Yann Martel demonstrates the many new perspectives Pi considers throughout his desire for spiritual clarity.

            To Pi, it was tremendously important for him to believe in something. As he intensely studied aspects of Hinduism, Christianity, and Islamic beliefs, he came to a conclusion that they all revolved around a similar belief, the existence of a loving higher power. To him, agnostics who lacked faith or beliefs in religion were much like listeners who could not appreciate the non-literal truth of a fictional story. Pi’s faith and spiritual connections strengthened while he was lost at sea. Pi’s belief in God gave him guidance, and a meaning to life. He was extremely grateful for the direction God had continuously given him, and remained to look up to him as if Gods messages were words from a book.(Fixed dropped quotation.) “My great wish-other than salvation- was to have a book. A long book with a never-ending story. One I could read again and again, with new eyes and a fresh understanding each time.” (pg. 262).  Pi recognized that the only reason he was still alive was because God was truly with him, and that personal experience was all it took to encourage his continuous fight for survival.

            After surviving the unthinkable, the traumatic experiences Pi went through resulted in a loss of innocence. As a child, Pi was an eager, outgoing, and excitable young boy, who depended on his family for protection and guidance. As Pi would put it, the jealousy of life that death possess ripped his family away from him.(Fixed dropped quotation) “Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it, a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can.” (pg. 6). Pi was torn from his family in a devastating accident that forced him to become self-sufficient in an instant. Pi grew up with a profound sense of exploration, he loved studying Cosmogony, and he wanted to understand every bit of the world that God had to offer. After witnessing death right in front of him, more than once, Pi had realized the world was not as wonderful as he once thought it was. He discovered the dark, cruel perspectives that other individuals who were not as lucky had known all too well. Since Pi understood that the possibility of him vanishing at sea was immensely greater than making it home he took risks he could not fathom. “The lower you are, the higher your mind will soar.” (pg. 358). Pi abandoned his lifelong vegetarianism and resorted to eating innocent fish and turtles to maintain existence. The acknowledgement of his probability of survival gave him an internal drive to overcome the odds. He came to the conclusion that although times were dark, it would pass and his life would get better. “But life leaps over oblivion lightly, losing only a thing or two of no importance and gloom is but the passing shadow of a cloud.” (pg. 7). Not only did he need to encourage and take care of himself, but he was also given the gift of a passenger to accompany him along his life-changing journey, who desired the same needs.

            After several days of fighting for survival, Pi was left with a 450-pound Bengal tiger named Richard Parker. After closely observing the tiger for many weeks, Pi acknowledged a case of zoomorphism in his life. He discovered that he obtained animal characteristics or qualities that were almost identical to Richard Parker. This allowed Pi to see a side of himself that he never knew existed; a side that frightened him, just as much as a real ferocious tiger would frighten him. Although at the same time, he gained respect for the ferocious tiger. Pi understood that the tiger marked his territory to feel secure, and that he would eat anything if it meant another day of survival. The tiger also felt the need for social structure in order to boost his self-esteem. All these traits followed Maslow’s hierarchy, a motivation theory, which suggests five interdependent levels of basic human needs. These traits seemed reasonable to Pi after considering he would do the exact same things to survive. After learning new ways of survival from Richard Parker, Pi realized their existences had become interdependent. “If I didn’t have you now, I don’t know what I would do.” (pg 236). At the beginning of the shipwreck, the last thing Pi wanted on his lifeboat was a 450-pound Bengal tiger, but by the end of Pi’s experience, he could not have been more grateful for the tiger’s existence. Richard Parker gave Pi an enlightening perspective on the relationship between man and nature, which had been a meaningful topic to Pi throughout his entire life. He could finally comprehend and appreciate why some animals did the extraordinary things they do.

            While Pi struggled through what seemed to be undefeatable odds, he was gifted with astonishing outcomes. Motivated by his peers, experiences, and beliefs, Pi considered new perspectives from every angle, which affected his interpretation of the world as an individual, and ultimately was the reason why he survived. Yann Martel displayed that life is a story that can be interpreted in any way the individual wants to view it. After all, “The world isn’t just the way it is. It is how we understand it, no?” (pg. 380).